Find What You Love
Have you ever heard the phrase “find what you love, and let it kill you.”? This quote is typically attributed to the poet Charles Bukowski, and despite the debate on the origins of the quote, that’s not really what’s important in the context of this discussion, so I’m not going to comment on that. The entirety of the quote reads as follows:
“My dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain from you your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it's much better to be killed by a lover.”
The phrase “find what you love and let it kill you” is the biggest and most quoted takeaway, and often interpreted to mean simply, that you should follow your dreams. Pursue your passion, and give it literally everything you’ve got. While that’s all fine and good, and something I largely agree with, I think maybe it should be rephrased a bit. “Find what you love and let it die with you” feels a bit more appropriate. Let me share a bit of my own story with you for some context.
I’ve worked in restaurants for the better part of 20 years. My first job was at 17 as a busboy at a popular chain. Pretty quickly, I worked my way up to assisting waiters by running food, then line cook, and covered a few other roles within the restaurant in between all that. Eventually, I worked in a new chain, worked my way up to management, and felt like the whole world was ahead of me. I loved the idea that I would make it up the corporate ladder and be an important figure, getting to travel and meet people all over the country, doing something I was good at and enjoyed, all while getting paid to do it. I loved it. Then, I let it kill me.
If you’ve ever worked a corporate job, you know all too well that the political landscape that exists is pretty extreme. It wasn’t something I was aware of at the time, and definitely wasn’t ready to handle. I thought that as long as I worked hard, voiced my honest opinion, and put my ideas out there, I’d be respected, listened to, given feedback and be allowed to grow and make necessary changes to improve my surroundings. Unfortunately, as anyone who works within the corporate landscape knows, that’s not really how it works. You have to learn how to play the game, shake hands you don’t want to shake, bite your tongue when you want to speak up, and push your morals and values aside from time to time.
When you spend your entire career trying to please others, it’ll burn you out quickly. You follow rules, you do what you’re asked, you go above and beyond to show that you care. But somehow, it feels like it’s never enough for your superiors. This is exactly what happened to me, and I eventually realized I felt this way because I was putting other people’s desires before my own needs, and sacrificing my own moral code. I had a real passion for what I was doing, but deep down, I knew it was slowly destroying my physical and mental health. It wasn’t worth the stress and strain it was putting on me.
Eventually, I rediscovered a long lost love for art, and decided to follow it. I got my first camera and everything changed. I found myself wanting to learn more every day, and I actually felt happy. I felt like I was in my element whenever I had a camera in my hand and zoned into what I was doing. Instead of fighting off the pit in my stomach whenever I had to make someone else happy, I was finally making myself happy by doing something I could call my own. There was nobody else I had to get approval from, just my own standards that I could meet and exceed at my own pace, exploring the places I loved to be in, surrounded by people I enjoyed being with. It’s become a part of me that I don’t want to let go of, and don’t plan on doing so anytime soon.
So what does all of this have to do with my opening statement? I guess to put it simply, if what you love is constantly wearing you down, maybe it’s not really your passion. Maybe it’s something you want to be passionate about, but the chemistry simply isn’t there, or isn’t right. Maybe it’s something you love, but it just doesn’t provide you with what you need to be the best version of who you are. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we’ve all been there. Just know that it’s never too late to start something new. If you find something you really love, and it provides you with genuine happiness and growth, it will be with you until your final breath. For me, that’s photography. I’ll hold onto it dearly forever. Even on the days where I feel uninspired, I’ll know it’s what drives me to be better and progress within the craft, and within my personal life. Passion should be organic, not forced. Passion should be giving, not draining. When you’re struggling to feel happy doing what you think you’re passionate about, you’ve officially reached a point of self destruction. Don’t let your passion become poison. So to reiterate my rephrasing… “Find what you love… and let it die with you.”
